i'm thinking about giving up this blog, already. sorry.

i am getting good advice from you guys, but i don't feel like i'm getting anywhere in this situation. it's at no fault to you guys, and it's a bold statement to make after only two blogs, but still.

i don't want to waste your or my time.

i'll give it some thought.

thanks, you guys.

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do you ever wish that things could be completely different? i am not happy. there are certain aspects of my life that make me happy, but i am having a hard time figuring out how i'm going to resolve this situation i'm in.

i would like to just say f*** it and do what i want to do deep down, but part of me is holding back.

(sigh) my heart aches.

...good times never seemed so good.

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dear nutang,

it's not important how i got here, but i'm here. thanks in advance for welcoming me. i'm shane, but you can call me, well, whatever you'd like. i'm gonna dive right in, if that's alright.

i'm finding myself very emotionally confused right now. i am not normally the type of guy who would be involved with more than one girl, but it seems to be the case as of late... so that's a start. there are these two girls.

now, the one girl (sam) has been in my life as far back as my memory will allow me to look... not necessarily romantically, or anything of that nature, but she has been there. not even as a friend. i just knew who she was. a few years ago we started becoming friends, and then, we moved a bit past that point. at some point between then and now, our relationship was at great points, and at awful points. kind of like when you try to graph the equation y=tan(x). i'm finding that more recently, i've just been plain unhappy. the words "i love you" just don't seem to mean what they used to. i guess in a relationship you just start to say things like that out of habit... which is a problem. and i think she feels the same way. our get togethers now consist of "hey, let's sit around and do nothing." we used to have a healthy sexual relationship... but not anymore. now i'm lucky if i get a kiss "hello" or a kiss "goodbye."

let's move on, shall we? there's this other girl (caroline), and i haven't known her quite as long as this one... and... well... we became friends through a mutual friend. and somehow... somehow we moved past friendship... and we're onto something new. it's something great. i feel like i've filled this void in my heart with happiness... and it's something i haven't felt in a long time.

(great start to nutang, you probably all think i'm an asshole. oh well.)

the real question is: what do i do? is my problem that i can't stay in a committed relationship because i grow bored with it, or is it that this particular person is just not making me happy anymore? help me.

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